what other people think

I always believe to not think of what other people think of myself.. I will do what i want to do.. You don't like it, well.. deal with it!

but i realized, that was only some part of me acting that way.. the other part of me..

Live and force myself to live as what other people think of me or want me to be...

and i'm tired of pushing myself to be darn perfect...

or at least, to the eyes of other people who i want to please..

or was i?

i want to live as myself... not as what other people think i can be...

i.e. people think i am capable of making a big change.. i want to believe that, though i don't think so.. i don't.. but when i can't or i don't make that big change.. they'll look at me like a sore loser.. and i totally feel that way..

why can't people accept the fact that i am not what they think?

most importantly, why can't i just live up to what i feel rather than other peoples?

or is it, life is as such so we can grow up and be a better person?

but why isn't it making me feel like a better person?