Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Why can't we?

Last night, one of my dear friend hosted a simple ladies night.. she also invited someone to share her experience of life and relationship with her family and husbands.. At first.. I was reluctant since I don't feel like going out at night but since some of my friends here are also going, why not i thought.. So i did..

It was my first time to have a ladies night kinda thing.. Met a set of new girls.. Most of them were vandies.. It was fun.. there were a lot of desserts too.. Cant restrained myself from not taking some of those brownies, cookies and lots more.. After an hour of getting to know those girls.. Megan *the host* started the talk by introducing this lady.. a beautiful lady i have to say.. and was so shocked to know she's 55 when she looks like 45.. really! am not joking!

She told us about her childhood, being bitten up by her mom.. who's mentally ill.. and the father with a depression illness.. and so cant help his daughter while she was bitten up.. being a victim because of the mother's depression.. or because the mother just wanna make the father sad since she's the fav.. and how she would pray and cry to god.. and how she met her first husband and the husband cheated on her.. and despite that.. she kept on taking care of him.. making sure the house temperature is to his liking.. the food is up to his taste.. just like a slave.. doormat.. the only thing that made her stick to her husband is because she believes in god and god hates divorce.. and after awhile.. because she can't stand it.. and the husband too.. they got divorced.. well.. there are more to it than just divorced.. the husband actually realized he was wrong and seek for god too.. but still having an affair with another woman.. tried to commit suicide.. and tried to talk her into suiciding.. but she stand firm for the sake of her god.. and then.. she got married to a younger guy.. 12 years difference.. and they are happily married till now.. and of course.. in her marriage.. there were other problems but it turned out well..

Though she talked about how she believed in bible and god.. and what not.. i tried to reflect what she said to my life.. my connection with Allah.. gosh.. i am so far from Him.. and I know... despite all the things i did.. He is still here for me.. and it stroke me when she told me this part of her life..

she was closed to this one lady.. and she's very wise *at least.. for her* .. she told the wise lady her life and told her about her believes in god etc.. and she was sobbing while asking the lady what was her problem? what were her mistakes? then the wise lady asked her "do you think you are religious?".. having said that.. she listed things that made her think she might and she answered "yes i am religious" then the lady said "then.. that's your problem" she was shocked.. no one ever told her that being religious was her problem.. and the lady explained.. "you think that going to mass everyday, pray everyday etc are enough.. but no.. you believe in god.. but you never obeyed him"

It made me think.. yeap.. that sounds so typical.. they think they are so religious..when some action they do doesn't reflect at all that they are sometimes.. it so sad to think about it.. too sad.. and it came to me.. how it is more sad when.. i am hearing this from a christian lady and not a Muslim lady.. maybe its my fault not attending to any of muslim sisters' gathering.. but i was admired by why she actually told us all her life story.. its because she doesn't want any other girls to suffer like she did.. and because of that.. now.. she goes to colleges to talk to girls.. share with them her story...

i really want Muslim sisters to be like her.. I want to be like her.. but who am I to say anything when I am not even close to God.. hoping someone who's good enough to do so to read this and do it.. I might.. insyaAllah..

Monday, April 02, 2007

Things Happen

IN LIFE.. we have to always be prepared for the unknown. Never take for granted all those variables.. Not single one.. It's too hard to accept when things don't go as you want them to be.. But that's how life works.. All sorts of challenges.. you just have to face them.. No running away from 'em.. they would just haunt you back..

The moment we have the problem, everything seems to be not helping at all.. Everything seems to be a problem.. You can never sit and think the solution but instead.. u make it more complicated and complex... U can only see more problems instead of solutions.. You might not be the person that talks to anyone about your problem.. Is that a problem? yes and no.. YES because its hard to keep things straight when you are all screwed.. My social studies suggest that, by telling people your problem, you'll get things in order.. you can see the plots one by one since your tongue cant go as fast as what you are thinking.. But if you think.. everything is all scattered in your brain and all you can think are more problems.. NO because that is just you and you might have been into lots of problems before and.. you are well trained to solve your own problem.. *hoping everything went well before*

BUT one thing for sure, you have to be strong while facing the problems.. people will try to counter and question your decision.. Being humans that are easily persuaded, you'll think twice but try to get you feet on your ground.. fix it.. Took from Intan's page..

"Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya. Dia mendapat (pahala) dari (kebajikan) yang dikerjakannya dan mendapat seksa dari (kejahatan) yang diperbuatnya.."


My dad once said.. Sacrificing the best thing in your life.. the most precious thing in your life.. the most deary to your heart.. is the best decision you'll ever make.. Being small and never want to think more about it.. I think my dad was just making me do it because at that time I was fighting with my lil sister about a Garfield house slipper.. I end up giving it to my sys.. Nothing really happen that time but when I think about it now.. I know my sys was super happy to have it and I was happy to know she was.. True.. I felt all good about myself and satisfied..

Its nice to have that satisfaction feeling but it's damn hard to sacrifice things.. Especially things u like/love/precious... What if those are the best thing ever and you are about to let it away just like that? Won't you feel regret afterwards? I don't really have the answer to it.. but i know i did.. some.. but i guess.. its for the best? maybe not for me but for others.. others who have the chance to own it.. maybe they deserve it and not me... Not fair? true.. but who says life is fair? God is being fair but people who live in this world make this place seems unfair about everything..

Why.. why.. why..?

sooooooo not fair..!

Who am I to say anything at the first place?